


Weighing the Cost

by eymberfyire (gracefulfallen)



Category: Protector of the Small - Tamora Pierce, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, Goldenlake SMACKDOWN, Unrequited Love, or at least they think its unrequited
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 06:00:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5152919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gracefulfallen/pseuds/eymberfyire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The cost of peace of mind is always worth its price.  Or, Lalasa realizes the way she feels about Keladry and takes steps to protect her before she goes to war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Goldenlake Smackdown 2010

  
_It’s how much? The sum shocked her – it was more than three months wages.  
  
A Gold Noble and five Silver, Ma’am._  
  
Lalasa works carefully in the predawn light, sewing with tight, precise stitches on the cream shirt she holds. Running a hand through her hair wearily, she sighs and glances outside to judge the time.  
  
 _It’s expensive because it’s the best, Ms. Isran. You’re paying for duration and strength. I guarantee it will last at least three years – much longer than this war with those northern savages._  
  
She is exhausted and anxious. Her back aches. Her eyes are burning. She has been living in her shop for a week, allowing Tian privacy as she gathers her things and leaves their shared rooms, but there is nowhere quite comfortable to sleep here, and she usually winds up working well into the night to distract herself.  
  
 _What do I need to do?  
  
Sew a small pocket into each tunic or shirt. Place the charm in this pocket along with something containing a sample of your magical essence. It works best when fresh, mind you – I’d do it the night before he leaves._  
  
She finishes the final row of stitches on the last shirt just in time and checks her work. The pocket is nearly invisible, and the charm is secure in the double rows of stitches. It is good work, but not her best. None-the-less a tall shape is darkening her doorframe and it will have to do.  
  
 _Ms. Isran? You have to understand – If the Black God decrees that it’s his time, no magic can keep him safe. But as long as he wears it he won’t sprain an ankle or fall off a horse. His armor will hold when struck. There will be no such thing as a “lucky arrow” that gets him killed._  
  
“You didn’t have to do this, Lalasa. At least let me pay you…”  
  
“Lady Kel, hush.” She smiles up at surprised hazel eyes and for a moment the shadows of exhaustion and worry drop away. “As if I’d let those sack stitchers at the palace dress you.” As Kel fumbles for her belt purse, Lalasa reaches across the counter and grabs her hand. “Not a copper bit. I won’t hear of it.” She drops Kel’s hand after a moment. “Let me just get you a bag.”  
  
 _None of these spells will work if you don’t truly love him. Will this be a problem?_  
  
Kel looks around before leaving, and Lalasa smiles inwardly. Kel has never been good at goodbyes.   
  
“You cut your hair.” Kel pauses awkwardly for moment before continuing. “It suits you.” She picks up the sack and turns to go.  
  
 _Lalasa’s smile is answer enough as she counts coins into his palm and the mage nods his wordless understanding._  
  
After Kel is gone, Lalasa sags against the counter, holding her hand to a chest that suddenly hurts. It will be hard for a few months with her savings gone. It is worth it.  
  
The tranquil still of her shop will soon be broken by dozens of people. She will have to let go of her fear and be strong and capable then, radiating confidence and skill. Before that happens, she offers a prayer quietly into the calm. “Goddess keep you safe, Keladry.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kel is surprised by a discovery.

Kel sits alone in her quarters in New Hope, her face the natural mask of indifference that implies she is her most emotional. She is grateful for the rare moment of quiet that allows her time to just think.   
  
_It was expensive, Kel. Whoever did this spent a lot of money on making sure you stayed safe. At least a gold noble, maybe more like two._  
  
In one hand she holds a tiny charm of intertwined silver and gold. In the other she holds a small bundle of long, wavy black hair that still smells faintly of lavender.   
  
_Can you tell who it was?  
  
No. Can you? _  
  
Kel has never fully understood matters of the heart. She is emotional and idealistic, but she is very rooted in the physical. The impact of a lance on a shield makes much more sense to her than the niceties of courtship, and she would rather be knocking someone from their saddle than trying to interpret their advances in a ballroom.   
  
_I’m… not certain._  
  
What Kel is used to understanding is herself. The Code of Chivalry and defense of the weak are what make her a good Knight. Loyalty, duty and honor motivate her. She believes in Tortall and what it stands for. She trusts that her hard work means her body will obey any command she gives it. These certainties give her comfort.

For the first time that she can remember she has absolutely no idea what she thinks or feels about something. This makes her nervous.

 _Kel, stop worrying. The spells don’t have any effect on you. They just change things that would fall to bad luck. Besides, whoever had these made understood you well enough to know you would rather die than have magic change you.  
  
Neal... what do you mean by that exactly?_  
  
_Rather than answer, he folded Kel’s fist around the bundle of black hair and met her gaze levelly. Her eyes widened slightly and she stared at him with shocked comprehension._  
  
Kel brings the handful of hair closer to her face to smell the familiar scent. She breathes deeply and lets it out with a sigh that borders on a sob. She is suddenly and unbearably homesick, and wracked with bone deep exhaustion. They have been at war for two and a half years, and she is so very _tired_. There is an excruciating loneliness that comes of being in command, and Kel can no longer ignore it.   
  
_Cuffing her gently on the shoulder, he turned as if to leave. At the door he looked back over his shoulder._  
  
_As long as you wear it the spell should work. Just… something to keep in mind._  
  
After a moment she shakes herself free of her gloom with a mental reproach. Sitting in the dark crying would do her no good. There were more important things than self-pity right now, and she had best see to them.  
  
Looking at the things in her hands she pauses for a moment, still undecided. Finally she smiles ruefully to herself. There are still at least six months before she will be returning to Corus. It is plenty of time to think.   
  
Carefully she tucks both the hair and the charm into the pouch she wears around her neck and arranges them under her shirt. The scent of lavender hangs around her. Kel can’t help but smile.


End file.
